KARSTEN KNIGHT

THE DISREPUTABLE HISTORY OF KARSTEN KNIGHT, or: Karsten, the Magical Typing Fetus (the Musical)

2012-01-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

Hello friends. It’s been a while. Where have I been, you ask?
IN REVISION HELL. (See sophisticated graphic in margin)

But more on that graffiti later. Let’s talk about a conversation with semi-strangers that has happened regularly since I signed a book deal (dramatized for entertainment purposes, fairly authentic to reality).
Enthusiastic Observer: You are so blessed to be published at such a young age!
Me: I feel very blessed.
EO: And on your first try no less!
Me: More like 10 tries and 20 years.
EO: But you’re only 26. [Does quick mental math] Did you start writing as a fetus?
Me: Yes. On an in-utero typewriter.

So with that said, I go on a barely relevant tangent in which I present to you my own disreputable writing history, in timeline format, starting with myself as a prolific fetus.
**Dislcaimer** What this post isn’t:
1) A “Never give up!” blog post (there are enough of those as it is)
2) A patronizing “Look how long it took me!” post (Ew), or
3) Exciting.
What this post is:
1) Me being self-indulgent in what has been a nostalgic month,
2) The result of me discovering a Karsten-sized leaning tower of old neglected manuscripts at my parents’ house, and
3) Me attempting to end the two-month patch of silence on my blog.

KARSTEN KNIGHT: A Literary History

1985: I am born. To quote what Douglas Adams once said about the creation of the universe, my birth “has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
1987: My parents let me pick out my own coat. I pick out a puffy pink one. I overcome my paralyzing fear of grass.
1991: I write my first picture book series, about the adventures of a saucy worm. It has an unintentional obscenity in the title, which my 6-year-old self remains oblivious to. Parents and teachers alike laugh at me.
1993: I discover the unintentionally obscene word from my title scribbled on a bathroom wall. After polling my classmates, I learn the hard way that what I thought was just another word for "cat" is also slang for genitalia.
1994-1996: Inspired by my love of R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series, I start writing my first “novel,” THE SHAPESHIFTER, about a girl hunted by a shape-shifting demon. It takes 3 years to write 15,000 words, which is how much I sometimes write per week. I learn the ropes about the relationship between authors, agents, and editors, and begin the query process.
1998-2000: After a few years of starting books I’ll never finish, I write FRESH WATER, a story about a waterborne plague that possesses the inhabitants of a seaside Carolina town with the demonic soul of a slain dragon. I meet R.L. Stine and he actually critiques the first chapters for me. Squee.
2000-2001: I write THE SHADOW STAFF, about the first year of a boy in a special island-based archeological school. It was 50% Indiana Jones, 50% Harry Potter, and 97% poop. I go to a writing conference at Bread Loaf in Vermont, where I discover that not only are there lots of other teenage writers out there, but that all of them are more sophisticated and eloquent than I am.
2001-2002: I write ARACHNE, a post-apocalyptic thriller in Earth’s (supposedly) last remaining city. Years later, I will pat myself on the back for anticipating the dystopian/post-apocalyptic craze that will one day sweep YA.
2002-2003: I write AUTUMN TIDES, a spirit- and mythology-based fantasy that takes place in the cornfields of Nebraska.
2003: A week before my 18th birthday, I sign with a NY-based literary agency to represent ARACHNE and AUTUMN TIDES. Both books go on submission to editors at major publishing houses, but ultimately fail to get picked up. I should probably be crushed, but I mostly feel like a baller for being eighteen and having a pile of (albeit rejection) letters from real editors. I go to college.
2004: I write TRIPLE HELIX, a futuristic thriller about DNA manipulation, political coups, and the voices inside of one girl’s head. I am ultimately unhappy with it and dump it into the Realm of Forgotten Novels.
2005: I write SHEPHERD, the only contemporary realism I’ve ever attempted, about a school for troubled children. My agent finds it too similar to Lord of the Flies, which I have (to this day) never read. SHEPHERD agrees to keep TRIPLE HELIX company in the Realm of Forgotten Novels.
2006: I write GRIMALKIN, a novel based on Etruscan mythology about a boy being hunted by his own great-great-great-(insert seventeen more greats) grandfather. It will soon join the others in the RFN. My agent suggests that I have an inner adult fantasy/sci-fi author struggling to escape, and I should try my hand at writing for an older audience, which leads us to—
2007: I write PATCHWORK, an adult novel that was sort of like the bastard child of Inception and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, only with murder. After I finished it, I realized that I’d basically written a YA novel with an adult protagonist (if that makes any sense), and that my heart just wasn’t in adult literature. Into the RFN it goes.
2007-2009: I dissolve the contract with my first agent. I get a big-person job. I get another big-person job. I don’t write a single word for two years.
2009-2010: I lose my job. I enroll in grad school. I start writing a book about a Polynesian volcano goddess reincarnated in the body of a sixteen-year-old girl. I call it a lot of things, but ultimately settle on WILDEFIRE.
2010: WILDEFIRE sells to Courtney Bongiolatti at Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, and I sign with Mary Kole from the Andrea Brown Literary Agency.
2011: WILDEFIRE comes out. Simon & Schuster buys its sequels, EMBERS & ECHOES (2012) and AFTERGLOW (2013). I start writing (another) book codenamed PATCHWORK that bears zero resemblance to the eponymous novel I wrote in college. It is my favorite thing I’ve ever written, but it’s one of those projects that keeps morphing into something else (and something better). So by 2012…
Present Day: Working on the 4th Draft of PATCHWORK and continuing progress on AFTERGLOW. Overindulging in blog posts chronicling my writing history. Using MS Paint to create graffiti art for said blog posts. No longer a fetus; must still closely resemble one considering how frequently I'm carded at the pub.

Did He Just Say "Snealthily?"

2011-11-11T15:20:00.001-08:00

After three months spent buried in revisions, I return to vlogging. I'm a little rusty. [Squeaky-squeaky-squeak]

As usual, this vlog will probably only make sense to parrots, dark matter particles, or members of the gourd family.

The Awkward Things We Say in Gchat: Part Two

2011-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

So for the last four weeks I've been working hard to a) finish revisions on Embers & Echoes (Wildefire #2), which were due to my lovely editor Courtney last week, and also revise a side project I've been working on. All this revision has broken my brains and encroached on my blogging time, so to make up for my absence on here, I present to you more out-of-context awkward conversations I've had over Gchat and text this past month.

On Dreams
Me: Last night I had a dream that involved a cat/gazelle hybrid
Me: Like it was the size and general shape of a cat, but it had stripes and horns and long legs
Me: Also, it was the beginning of the apocalypse
Jill: There were monkeys in mine last night
Jill: And i was shopping for Chanel nail polish

On Partying like an Adult
Jessica: We should have been in a circle
Jessica: and introduced ourselves
Me: with nap mats
Jessica: and Motts
Jessica: they could sponsor the event

On Beauty Sleep
Me: I took four naps today
Me: Three of them were unintentional

On Mixology
Me: Did you just compare my favorite cocktail to a celebrity sex tape?
Holley: Maybe.

On Unusual Curses
Me: I hope you choked on the bread
Me: and that your ginger ale was flat

On Intentional Accidents
Me: I think that's one of the emails I accidentally ignored
Scott: You're mixing up "accidentally" and "intentionally" again
Me: I never can keep them straight...

On Decorating Elephant Saddles
Me: Can we decorate our own elephant saddles
Me: with glitter lace and sequins
Me: and rhinestones
Jessica: sounds like a lot of work
Jessica: but yes
Jessica: I mean you trust me with a hot glue gun?

On Accidental Grand Theft Auto
Me: I panicked on my walk back to the car because I thought it got towed
Me: but I just parked farther away than I thought
Me: either that, or I drove the wrong car home last night
Me: which is very possible

On French Braids
Jennifer: they do that because it'll hold her hair back during combat, not because it's an acceptable prom style

On Britney Spears
Me: No judgment
Me: You're talking to the guy whose beer pong theme song is Break the Ice

On Working Out
Jessica: You pick things up and put them down
Me: I pick things up and drop them on myself
Jessica: Why would you do that
Me: New fitness craze
Jessica: Oh like Cross Fit

On Power Tools
Me: I don't want to be anywhere near you when you are wielding a jigsaw

On Responsible Drinking
Me: You can take a shot of milk.
Lydia: With a cookie as a chaser.

On Being a Supportive Friend
Me: You would suck at online dating
Jessica: How are you so sure?
Me: Because you suck at it in real life
Jessica: Valid point

On Being Tall
Me: Let’s go to a bar where I don’t feel like Gulliver’s Travels when I sit down

The Awkward Things We Say in Gchat

2011-08-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to apologize for going MIA on this blog for August. Between WILDEFIRE's release, book signings, travel, revising a new book, and now working with my editor on Wildefire's sequel, EMBERS & ECHOES, life has been a little cray-cray, as they say. One of the things that gets me through the insanity, however, is being able to have conversations with my friends over gchat--so I thought it would make for an appropriate blog post to provide a sample of the strange conversations I find myself in on a daily basis. Enjoy.

On a well-balanced breakfast
me: I just ate cold chicken mcnuggets for breakfast
me: I am such a catch
Bernard: ew
Bernard: like really ew

On lingo
me: What is the difference between smexy and sexy
me: I've never understood

On the secret to productivity
me: You should use my approach
me: Where I stare at it
me: Have a glass of wine
me: and work on nothing
Shannon: that's pretty much what I've been doing

On fashion
me: I don't think I'm masculine enough to be invited to do such a feature
Scott: keep wearing Hawaiian shirts like that, and you will be someday
me: really the most heinous shirt ever
me: the pics don't even do its heinousness justice

On weapon storage
me: Can I hide my nunchucks at your place?
Jessica: no thats where i keep mine

On pest control
me: Why is there a mosquito bite on your bum?
me: Have you guys turned your porch into a nudist colony?

On physics
Scott: If I punch my computer in the face, and I'm the only one home....does it make a sound?
me: Depends on the velocity of the punch and the gravitational pull of the moon

On being creepy
me: I already stare at you all day through your work window
Ashley: im on the 22nd floor
me: suction cups
Ashley: spider man style

On college professors
me: He also looked exactly like the guy from Jurassic Park

On how soft the Wildefire book jacket is
Scott: I remember that time I was hopped up on pain meds and touched your book cover
Scott: and got Really Freaked Out
Scott: that was fun
me: It's like if velvet had sex with paper

On review copy requests
me: May you send me a copy of your fiction novel, Moldyflower?

On the Smashing Pumpkins
Scott: the world is a vampire
me: sent to dra-i-a-i-ainnn

On physical fitness
me: alright, I'm off to get Captain America jacked
Bernard: godspeed

On a good second date
me: Mmm nothing like a homecooked poisoned dinner

On witch gun control
me: I subtracted 3 stars because witches don't busta cap
Scott: i really have a problem with ocular violence

On lingo, part two
me: Example: "After that second scorpion bowl, I was getting creepy”

On Mean Girls
me: it's been a few weeks now
me: I think it's time to settle your differences with Trang Pak
Scott: i just don't think i'm ready

On Friday nights
me: And then there were 8 of us screaming karaoke into the mic
me: The highlight was definitely "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed

On Saturday nights
me: Was at this house party til almost 4
me: Ended up getting in a spoon fight
me: Like hardcore fencing with metal spoons

On analogies
Scott: it's going to be one of those huge revisions where the book becomes something different by the end
me: Like a caterpillar?

On signing books in bookstores
Me: they immediately stopped talking and stared at me like I had just pooped in their hands

On when not to shave
me: I'm glad I'm the benchmark for successful scruff

On when to shave
me: there's a very sudden shift between "chic" and "hobo"
me: I don't know when it happens

On awkwardness
Scott: you have out-awkarded yourself in this interview
Scott: good job
me: Thank you
me: It was a steep mountain to climb
me: but I think I've finally planted a flag at the summit of Mount Awkward

On masculinity
me: Off to the gym
me: so that I can watch Millionare Matchmaker on the stairmaster
me: while I pretend I'm watching ESPN

Blog Tour Video Roundup

2011-08-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

One time, I scratched my face during my sleep. It was a full moon.

10 Things That May Surprise You About WILDEFIRE

The Knight Bachelor Pad

Closing Ceremonies

2011-08-06T10:50:00.001-07:00

You're all winners! ...At life. But unfortunately, as far as the WILDEFIRE Olympics are concerned, there could only be 4 winners out of the 100+ entries that I randomly drew from.

The winners of the 2 16x20 WILDEFIRE canvases are: Lucia and Lyssa Anne.

The winner of the pre-order of THE UNBECOMING OF MARA DYER by Michelle Hodkin is: Rachel C.

And the winner of the signed ARC of WITCH EYES by Scott Tracey is: Sera R.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and I had so much fun with these Olympics that I promise I'll do some more giveaways soon!

WILDEFIRE Olympics Roundup

2011-08-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

My apologies that the final 2 days of the WILDEFIRE Olympics are so late--but I have a good excuse. I was in NYC for the weekend, without internet access, to give a reading and signing for WILDEFIRE at the fabulous Books of Wonder in Manhattan. Singlehandedly one of the coolest events of my life, and thank you to Peter for hosting!

So without further adieu, I give you the official Karsten Knight playlist for WILDEFIRE, along with the chapter when you should be listening to that song:

Chapter 1: Lightning Rod
Your Own Love by VersaEmerge

Chapter 2: Sleepwalker
Long Life (Where’d You Go) by Great Big Sea

Chapter 3: Blue Flame
I’m in Here by Sia

Chapter 4: The Beach Scrolls
Yesteryear by Rosi Golan

Chapter 5: Chain Gang
Above and Below (Moon Version) by the Bravery

Chapter 6: Burning Bed
Veni Veni Emmanuel as performed by Hayley Westenra

Chapter 7: Handprint
Angels ft. Norah Jones by Wax Poetic

Chapter 8: Match Point
Ignorance by Paramore

Chapter 9: Midnight Movie
Thrown Away by VAST

Chapter 10: Masquerade
Sunrise by Yellowbirddd

Chapter 11: Sibling Rivalry
Wait it Out by Imogen Heap

Chapter 12: Extinguished
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles

Closing Credits
Soldier by Ingrid Michaelson

I'll be drawing the winner of the two 16x20 inch canvases of the WILDEFIRE cover (and the bonus prizes) on Thursday, so to recap, here are the chances you have for entries (one point for each task):

1) Like the WILDEFIRE fan page on facebook
2) Tweet or facebook a picture of you and WILDEFIRE
3) Do something nice for a (non-WILDEFIRE) book that you love
4) Tweet or facebook your favorite Karsten Knight video
5) Tweet or facebook your favorite line from WILDEFIRE
6) Tweet or facebook your favorite song

If you tweet, just use the #Wildefire hashtag or if you use facebook, tag the Wildefire fan page. Ta-da! Remember to comment below identifying all the ways you participated, along with your name and email. Spreading the word about this contest will win you my admiration and gratitude, which are more valuable than a beautiful canvas, right? Right??

In the mean time, here's a clip from Thursday's WILDEFIRE book launch and reading. Thanks Gail for taking the video!

WILDEFIRE Olympics Day 4: Video Day

2011-07-28T11:49:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting here, four hours from the WILDEFIRE launch party at the Barnes & Noble in Framingham, Massachusetts. I wish you all could be there, but apparently, as a few people from the other side of the country have informed me, teleportation has not been perfected yet. Hell, blogger's spell checker hasn't even accepted the word teleportation yet, because it's red-squiggling it. Squiggling is a word but teleportation isn't? Bullshit.

In order to make you all feel like you were right there with me, Day 4 of the WILDEFIRE Olympics is easy: just pick your favorite Karsten Knight video and tweet it with the hashtag #Wildefire. OR tag me of the WILDEFIRE fan page with one on facebook. Then just make sure to comment below with your name and email so I know you played.

There's even a convenient Greatest Hits Sidebar to the left if you have trouble picking a video.

While you're at it, feel free to scroll down and participate in any of the EASY tasks from the previous three days of the Olympics.
Day 1 (Monday, 7/25): Facebook Day
Like the brand new WILDEFIRE Fan page on Facebook
Day 2 (Tuesday, 7/26): Picture Day
Tweet me or facebook tag a picture of you with a copy of WILDEFIRE (and identify where you're from!)
Day 3 (Wednesday, 7/27): Pay-It-Forward Day
Do something nice for a book that you love.

For each day you play, you'll get another entry to win one of two grand prizes: a 16x20 inch canvas print of the gorgeous WILDEFIRE cover, along with bonus prizes like THE UNBECOMING OF MARA DYER by Michelle Hodkin or WITCH EYES by Scott Tracey.

For now, I give you one of my favorite videos to film--the infamous instructional dance video...

The WILDEFIRE Olympics Day 3: Pay-it-Forward Day

2011-07-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

This is me autographing copies of WILDEFIRE at a toddler table in toddler seat at Brookline Booksmith. I felt like I was in Gulliver's Travels.

When it gets to be one season, or one month, or one week, or one day before your book's launch, it's easy to get swept up in the frenzy of full-blown self-promotion mode. You spend two years of your life writing, and rewriting, and revising, and nurturing this 393-page creature, and it's only natural as you're finally releasing it out into the world to do everything you can to ensure that it soars as high as it can.

But sooner or later you have to take a step back and come to terms with a few things:
1) Even with a few thousand twitter followers and facebook friends, even with the amazing continued support and enthusiasm of the book-blogging community, you're only reaching a microcosm of the people who will eventually read your book. And that's great.
2) If you talk about your book or the craft of writing constantly, all you'll end up with is a hoarse, scratchy voice, and that makes it awfully difficult to do book readings.
3) You're not just a reader, but a writer, and you're time is better spent sharing with others the books that you love.

So today, I give you day 3 of the WILDEFIRE Olympics: Pay-it-Forward Day. All you have to do for today's task is to go out and do something nice for a (non-Wildefire) book that you love. You can do anything: Write a nice review for it and post it on GoodReads, Amazon, and B&N. Go like or comment on a handful of thoughtful well-written reviews for it. Surprise a friend by mailing or ordering them a copy of a great novel. Then just post in the comments below what you did and what book you did it for. (Selfishly, my ulterior motive is to hear some summer reading recommendations from you).

My wholehearted recommendation to you today is one of my favorites from 2011: WITCH EYES by Scott Tracey.

If you want a glimpse into what makes WITCH EYES one of the fall's best upcoming paranormal romances, take a gander at this teaser from chapter 2:

There was a moment where time seemed to fracture, a crystalline snapshot of the world where Uncle Jonathan had started raising his arm, his face full of fear and alarm. Where motes of sunlight lay poised above me, and the westerly breeze was tangible and tangled up against my skin. It was as if the world around me had called a time out.

Then the landscape expanded into something larger than four dimensions, the binding boiled itself down to an alphabet of magic, and the visions swallowed me up.

Elegant prose. Explosive magic. A fresh, seductive romance. And hellhounds. What more do you want?

Witch Eyes won't hit bookstores until September, but one lucky reader who participates in Pay-it-Forward Day and posts below will win a signed ARC. And of course you'll be entered to win one of the two 16x20-inch WILDEFIRE canvas prints I'll be drawing on Sunday.

So go do something nice for a great book, then head back here and let me know what you did. As with the other day, you can comment below anytime between now and Sunday July 31st when I draw the winners. To wrap up, as usual, I give you a flashback video from Karsten's Greatest Hits.

The WILDEFIRE Olympics Day 2: Picture Day

2011-07-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

WILDEFIRE officially hits bookstores today! ...Even though it's been in most bookstores for a week and most copies via Amazon and B&N have already been shipped.

Today's mission, if you choose to accept it, is to take a picture of yourself with a copy of WILDEFIRE. OR, if it's on your Nook/Kindle/Kobo/Abacus/Speak & Spell, just take a picture of yourself with the cover up on the screen. For example...

...this is a picture from last Halloween when WILDEFIRE and I went trick-or-treating as a cowboy and a gangster.

Once you've taken a picture of yourself with the book, just tweet it with the #Wildefire hashtag or tag the WILDEFIRE fan page on facebook with it. Then post a comment below with your name, email and city/state letting me know you've completed day 2's task.

At the end of the week I'll be tallying the entries and randomly drawing two grand-prize winners of 16x20 canvas prints of the gorgeous WILDEFIRE cover, but anyone who participates in Picture Day will be entered for a bonus prize:

A pre-order of THE UNBECOMING OF MARA DYER by my talented Simon & Schuster-in-law, Michelle Hodkin!

Mara Dyer doesn't think life can get any stranger than waking up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there.

It can.

She believes there must be more to the accident she can't remember that killed her friends and left her mysteriously unharmed.

There is.

She doesn't believe that after everything she's been through, she can fall in love.

She's wrong.

Doesn't that sound mindblowingly awesome? And how about that cover?? Well for one lucky winner, you'll have a finished copy waiting in your mailbox when it comes out on September 27th. In the meantime, you should follow Michelle on Twitter and check out her blog.

You can participate in Picture Day at any point between now and Sunday, July 31st when I draw the winners. Lastly, I'll be ending each day of the WILDEFIRE Olympics with a video from Karsten's Greatest Hits. Enjoy.

The WILDEFIRE Olympics

2011-07-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

So WILDEFIRE officially comes out tomorrow. This is better than that time the green tiger in the Simon & Schuster offices ate my hand.

I wanted to do something unusual to give back to the people who have supported me since the book deal, as well as new fans and visitors who are just discovering WILDEFIRE now at their local bookstore or library. So to celebrate I'm doing a week of giveaways in what we shall call the WILDEFIRE Olympics.

Each day will have a specific, very easy task. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to participate one day, some days, or all days. For each day that you participate, you get one point. No complicated point systems. Not because I have anything against complicated points systems, but because I'm terrible at math.

WILDEFIRE OLYMPICS
Day 1 (Monday, 7/25): Facebook Day
Like the brand new WILDEFIRE Fan page on Facebook
Day 2 (Tuesday, 7/26): Picture Day
Tweet me or facebook tag a picture of you with a copy of WILDEFIRE (and identify where you're from!)
Day 3 (Wednesday, 7/27): Pay-It-Forward Day
Do something nice for a book that you love.
Day 4 (Thursday, 7/28): Video Day
Tweet or tag the Wildefire facebook page with your favorite of my author videos (see Greatest Hits in the sidebar)
Day 5 (Friday, 7/29): Favorite Line Day
Tweet or tag the Wildefire facebook page with your favorite line from the book.
Day 6 (Saturday, 7/30): Soundtrack Day
Check out my official chapter-by-chapter playlist for Wildefire, and then tweet or tag the Wildefire facebook page with your favorite song.
Day 7: (Sunday, 7/31): The winners revealed!

You can participate in any of these at any time from when the post goes up until noon EST on Sunday, July 31st. On day 7, I'll give you one digital name in the hat for each day you played. What do my TWO grand-prize winners get?

A 16x20 canvas of the gorgeous cover of WILDEFIRE.

I'll be giving away other prizes on specific days, including a signed "Director's Cut" of WILDEFIRE (with margin notes by me) and a pre-order of THE UNBECOMING OF MARA DYER by my lovely, talented editor-sibling, Michelle Hodkin.

So. For day 1, all you have to do is go here and like the Facebook page that I literally just made. Then post a comment on this post with your name, your city/state, and your email address so I can contact you if you win. (And I apologize in advance, but because of shipping rules, the canvases are for U.S. addresses only).

In the mean time, thanks to everyone who has made the 14 months between my book deal (May 17, 2010) and Wildefire's release (July 26, 2011) such a wonderful ride. [Karsten pops champagne][Karsten hits himself in the face with the cork].

I'm Having Irish Twins!

2011-07-20T09:27:00.001-07:00

Well, not really. Not in the Arnold Schwarzenneger-in-the-movie-Junior-male-pregnancy-and-I'm-going-to-need-a-C-Section way. I've always thought of myself more as Kindergarten Cop Arnold anyway. "It's not a too-mah!"

So if you've read WILDEFIRE and its horrific, tantalizing, possibly "I hate you Karsten"-inducing cliffhanger at the end, you probably saw this coming but:

Karsten Knight's next two books that continue the dangerous story of a fiery volcano demigoddess, to Courtney Bongiolatti at Simon & Schuster Children's, in a two-book deal, by Mary Kole at Andrea Brown Literary Agency (World).

But that, my friends, is only half the fun of this announcement. Somehow, in the vast tundra of cyberspace after the SEND button was clicked, the titles for WILDEFIRE 2 and 3 got lost off the back of the dogsled and did not make it into this listing. I share them with you now, using tiles from the WILDEFIRE cover:

Embers & Echoes and Afterglow will be released Summers 2012 and 2013 respectively. What do you think? Also, if someone with GoodReads Librarian Status wants to do the honors...

In the meantime, check out Day 3 of the ongoing WILDEFIRE Blog Tour, an interview where I could only answer using only quotes from WILDEFIRE (this was a difficult but fun one to do).

A Behind-the-Book letter I did on WILDEFIRE for Amazon.

And apparently WILDEFIRE is already in stock at Amazon. Huzzah!

What Do You Mean This Post Isn't a Vlog?

2011-07-18T07:28:00.001-07:00

Hello dearest friends.

As you know, there are typically three things that I rarely do:
1) Written blog posts
2) Staying on-topic
3) Being serious

But today is an appropriate time to be some smorgasbord of all those things. If not a smorgasbord, at least a cruise-ship buffet. Why? Because there's only one week left until WILDEFIRE's release, and if you look closely at the images below, you'll notice that in some places it's already out.

And in the case of the Framingham Barnes & Noble, there are 50 copies:

The best part is that there's an entire row of them labeled "Tough Stuff." Walking into that bookstore was the first time I ever held a finished copy of my own book in my hands. By the time I got around to signing some of the copies while I was there, my hands were still shaking so much that whoever buys that very first signed copy will probably wonder why there's a seismograph reading on the title page. Or they'll at least wonder, "Who the hell is Kristen Knife?"

I made a promise to myself when this process began not to go too crazy on book-promotion or meditations about writing. That's why, for better or worse, I've opted to film 3-4 minutes of awkward video a few times a month, rambling tangentially about three-toed sloths, velociraptors, and Batman. However, the lovely Cindy over at Books Complete Me convinced me to do a blog tour in preparation for WILDEFIRE's release, and that tour kicks off today:

Monday, July 18th - Character Interview @ A Good Addiction
Tuesday, July 19th - 10 Things That May Surprise You About Wildefire @ Reading Teen
Wednesday, July 20th - Book Interview @ Between the Covers
Thursday, July 21st - Video Interview @ The Story Siren
Friday, July 22nd - Exclusive Wildefire Excerpt @ Mundie Moms
Monday, July 25th - The Knight Life Vlog @ Page Turners
Tuesday, July 26th - How to Summon the God/Goddess In Us All @ Books Complete Me

At each stop, the always incredible Simon & Schuster will be giving away a finished copy of the book. And of course, there will be videos from yours truly.

Next week, I'll be running a "WILDEFIRE OLYMPIC GAMES" here on the blog. The tasks will be easy. On Picture Day, you'll just have to take a picture of yourself doing something goofy with the book. On Pay it Forward Day, you'll just have to do something nice for another book that you really like, whether it's posting a review of it on Amazon or recommending it to a friend. Play one day or all of them, and at the end of the week, you'll have a shot at some lovely prizes, including my grand prize: a canvas print of the gorgeous WILDEFIRE cover. It was originally going to be a canvas of me wearing a fig leaf, but that idea was resoundingly vetoed.

Lastly, if you live in Boston or New York City, I'd love to see you at any of the three launch week events that are listed in the sidebar! Thanks to everyone who has continued to show enthusiasm for this book, and I can't wait to hear what you all think. And for non-serious Karsten, click on any of the links under "The Greatest Hits" column to the left.

Why You Shouldn't Write Your Novel on an Etch-a-Sketch

2011-07-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Wildefire is Wattpad.com's July Featured Contest, so I filmed this Q&A to go along with it.

"One time I found a dead cardinal at my front doorstep. I like nature. I like dolphins. I like birds. I like rocks." ~Karsten Knight, Age 6

WILDEFIRE has one hot booty!

2011-07-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

And by "booty" I mean "caboose." And by "caboose" I mean "derriere." And as we all know, "derriere" is French for the sizzling excerpt on the back of Wildefire's jacket.

After the infamous Root Beer Nudists and Hostile Beekepers incident, I can't wait to find out what sort of traffic the use of the terms "hot booty," "derriere," and "caboose" brings to this website. Maybe some French train fetishists? (To be clear, I meant that the trains would be French, not the fetishists. Adjective fail.)

My First Official Author Video. Oh. My.

2011-06-09T11:13:00.001-07:00

It's just as off-topic as my vlogs. Only with better post-production.

We filmed this in February when I visited the Simon & Schuster offices. Thanks to the kick-ass team at Studio 4 for humoring me, even though I'm sure they thought I was a complete weirdo.

http://www.simonandschuster.com/multimedia?video=985374104001

Centaurs, Cheap Champagne, and Slippery Quesadillas

2011-06-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

Like the title says.

Wildefire's German Cover. Ja!

2011-05-16T18:13:00.001-07:00

My wonderful German publisher, Piper Fantasy, has posted the cover to their edition of WILDEFIRE.

It's like having a red sports car to park next to my purple one in my book-cover garage. In other words, I love it.

In case your German fluency is a tad rusty like mine, the subtitle Göttin des Vulkans translates to Volcano Goddess.

Fun fact: my editorial director at Piper is named Carsten.

If they sold this and the American edition in a two-pack, they could call it the Wildefire Bouquet.

What color should the next flower be? I'm thinking one of the three shades of manly PINK: Man-genta, Sal-man, and Brose.

Look for WILDEFIRE: Göttin des Vulkans on September 29, 2011.

The Hunger Games: Adorable Edition

2011-05-10T14:47:00.000-07:00

Leprechauns, ninja snapping turtles, and the Hunger Games: Adorable Edition.

Past my prime, but I ain't no Hack(y sack)

2011-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

Ask yourself: is this just a video of me playing hacky sack to AC/DC? Or is this the moving story of an athlete making an epic comeback to the sport he once loved, long after his prime?

Yep, it's just the first.

When I was a senior in high school, I literally played so much that I wrote my college admissions essay on hacky sack. I'll have to dig that up for a future blog post...

As if you needed further proof that I never vlog about writing.

Woodpeckers, Mullets, and Woodpeckers with Mullets

2011-04-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post last week's vlog on here, because apparently revising sequels hurts my brain. This week I discuss my to-be read list (or rather 1% of it), along with mullets, woodpeckers, and my weird dystopian dreams.

Featured books: WHERE THINGS COME BACK by John Corey Whaley, A TOUCH MORTAL by Leah Clifford, ANGELFIRE by Courtney Allison Moulton, CRYER'S CROSS by Lisa McMann, HUSH, HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick, and THE LIAR SOCIETY by Lisa & Laura Roecker.

After this vlog, I can no longer be surprised if someone finds this website by searching "sexy woodpecker with a mullet." It will happen.

Root Beer Nudists and Beekeepers

2011-03-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Because GoogleAnalytics tells me all the weird things that people search for that lead them to this blog, I've decided to start responding to the real gems on here.

Booze. By the time they open the time capsule in 15 years they'll be old enough. And thirsty.

All my pictures on here are of people sipping ginger ale in their underwear :( Sorry.

Only if he's drinking root beer in the nude while he's beekeeping.

When 3 trees love each other very much and decide to crosspollinate...

Poison your bird-feeder or invest in a shotgun.

First, stop calling them "common." Every bird is a rare rose. Secondly, lower your voice. This isn't a rock concert.

Those aren't "night birds," friend. They're bats.

A sloth walks into a bar. Three years later, he gets to the counter and orders a beer.

One sloth asks another sloth, "How do you do so well with the ladies?" The second sloth replies, "Probably because I'm well hung."

I have 120,000 dollars in student loans. Please pre-order it instead.

Seasons 1, 2, and 3 of the Jersey Shore on DVD, a copy of WILDEFIRE, and 6 pieces of confetti for the opener to throw on themselves.

Have Robin spell check it for you. Or throw a Batarang at it.

What it sounds like when you say my name then scratch a turntable.

I will have the baby with you if you stop calling me Jane.

Meow.

NOT puberty.

Little changes in your search keywords.

26 in two weeks.

I am frequently happy, yes.

Wait, were you googling this because you thought there would be a website that provided an answer? "Is Karsten Knight actually cute? Or is he just faking it? Let's debate." I'm a YA author, not Justin Bieber.

Hey now.

Much better.

I don't even know how to respond to this one. If you read it quickly, it sounds like "You're caressing the goats."

Yes tapioca pudding. Think pudding! I mean--think positive.

2012 isn't for another 9 months, but at least John Cusack will be there to dance with you. With any luck, he'll be dressed as a:

Yes, No, Maybe So

2011-03-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

So today I had to fill out a comprehensive questionnaire for my new dentist, which included this question: “Do you use alcohol, cocaine, or other drugs?” Yes___ No___

Now, as someone who enjoys the occasional glass of wine or pint at the pub, I found it hilarious and intriguing that alcohol and crack were lumped into the same “Yes/No” question, to the point where I underlined “alcohol” and wrote a very emphatic “NOT” next to the coke. Unless we’re talking about the soda.

This is the problem with questions involving the word “or.” In the lyrical genius of Schoolhouse Rock, "Conjunction Junction, what's your functionnnnnnn."

So it got me to thinking: what other awkward yes/no question pairings could I make people answer? I’ve provided a quiz for you all to fill out below. YOU MUST ANSWER TRUTHFULLY. Please use a #2 pencil, and make sure to fill in the bubbles completely or your answers will NOT be counted. If you answer yes to more than half of these questions... you're probably normal and just got sch00led by a conjunction.

DENTAL QUESTIONNAIRE

Do you own more than one item clothing made out of denim, cotton, or meat? Yes___ No___

Have you ever returned a DVD late to Blockbuster or held up a convenience store? Yes___ No___

Have you ever paid your taxes or been convicted of felony tax evasion? Yes___ No___

Have you ever cut in line to stand with your friends, or stabbed someone and taken their place in line? Yes ___ No ___

Do you ever go to the aquarium, or find yourself inappropriately attracted to fish? Yes___ No___

Have you ever constructed a pillow fort, sand castle, Stone Henge, or one of the Pyramids of Giza? Yes___ No___

Have you ever gone night-clubbing or gone baby-seal-clubbing? Yes___ No___

Do you own a car and/or time-traveling Delorean? Yes___ No___

Have you ever held a garage sale, yard sale, or sold human organs on the Black Market? Yes___ No___

Did you ever play with stuffed animals as a child and/or do you have an embarrassingly comprehensive collection of Barbies from the 1970s still in the original packaging? Yes___ No___

Have you ever swum with the dolphins and/or are you Aquaman? Yes___ No___

Are you a night owl and/or are you a vampire? Yes___ No___

Do you enjoy moonlit strolls on the beach and/or are you a werewolf? Yes___ No___

Are you a vegan, vegetarian, or wood nymph? Yes___ No___

Do you have a fiery temper and/or are you a volcano goddess? Yes___ No___

Do you occasionally visit this blog and/or would you like to cast your vote for Karsten Knight as People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive? Yes___ No___

Inappropriate Sequel Titles & Disney Alter Egos

2011-03-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

The second in a weekly “7 Useless Facts about Karsten” column. The rotating final question will always be answered by a guest author.

First thought upon waking up this morning:
[Sniffs pillow case] I need to start using a laundry detergent with a manlier scent.

Best gchat conversation this month:
[Discussing rejected WILDEFIRE sequel titles]
Scott: WILDESHOWERS
Me: That sounds like a porno
Scott: WILDEDAZE
Me: That sounds like a drug comedy
Scott: WILDESTIR
Me: WILDEY WONKA
Scott: WILDEFEUD
Me: The game show

The five songs on repeat in my playlist right now:
“When and If” by Ari Hest
“See the World” by Gomez
“The Letter” by Harry-Gregson Williams
“Pretty Girl Rock”* by Keri Hilson
“Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark

I would sell my hypothetical firstborn right now for a:
Wintergreen Chip Frappe from my hometown ice cream parlor.

The most embarrassing thing I’ve done in the last 24 hours:
Watching the entirety of last night’s Bachelor finale with my roommates.

The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life:
My voice cracked for the first in eighth grade…in front of a crowd of 400 people. I was in mock government, reading my bill on hybrid cars to a “legislature” of other high school students in a packed auditorium. My voice cracked during the word “automobile.” I laughed with the audience, then tried again. Voice cracked again. Same word. More laughter. Nightmares forever.

If Karsten were a Disney character, he would be…
My answer:

Aladdin. Because I look good in parachute pants and I’m obsessed with my carpet.

Guest Author answer:

Hipster Alice
~Leah Clifford, Author of A TOUCH MORTAL

*Don’t judge.
**Hipster Alice courtesy of http://hipsterdomanditsdiscontents.tumblr.com/

Birds That Won't Shut Up, and Other Trivia

2011-03-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

The first in a weekly “7 Useless Facts about Karsten” column. The rotating final question will always be answered by a guest author.

First thought upon waking up this morning:
Dear birds chattering outside my window: It’s 8am. Shut yo damn beaks.

Cryptic line that I wrote today:
“Now I know for certain the jelly’s always going to come with the peanut butter.”

The five songs on repeat in my playlist right now:
“Hit the Ground and Run” by Great Big Sea
“Pretty Handsome Awkward”* by The Used
“Cave In” by Owl City
“Soldier On” by The Temper Trap
“Wait It Out” by Imogen Heap

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I would be:
Sitting with an enormous mojito on Ocean Drive in South Beach. Or on the Spaceship Earth ride in Disney’s Epcot Center (aka the ride in the giant golf ball, aka the most relaxing 15 minutes of your life).

The last movie I watched start-to-finish:
The Proposal

When I was a baby, my two first words were:
“Hotdog. Soda.”** (A lifetime of healthy eating followed).

If Karsten were an alcoholic beverage, he would be a…
My answer: A Manhattan
Guest Author answer:
“Well, this demands careful consideration. Is he the type who demands a frilly umbrella tucked against the glass? Is he clear or dark liquor? Bottle or pilsner? Imported or domestic?

My gut reaction is to suggest he's an Appletini or a Cosmo, but neither one of those is really awkward enough to adequately convey Karsten's...unique sensibilities. And if I suggest that he's something Canadian like Labatt's, he'll pout because of his unfulfilled lifelong ambition to become a Canadian Mountie.

In the end, I think it's safe to say that Karsten is whatever drink ends up as the $2 Ladies "Knight" special.”
~Scott Tracey, Author of Witch Eyes (Flux, Fall 2011)

*Also one of my nicknames in college
**No, my parents weren’t feeding me these things.

And the winner of the Wildefire ARC is....

2011-03-06T18:32:00.000-08:00

The winner of my WILDEFIRE love poem contest, announced by Karla Knight (aka Mom) in a poem that she wrote

Congratulations to Jessica Love!

ARC...ARC....ARC....Goose!

2011-02-23T18:05:00.000-08:00

Win an ARC of WILDEFIRE!
...and fall prey to my eternal narcissism. First, watch this orientation video:

To enter:
1) Write a rhyming romantic couplet about yours truly, and post it in the comment section below with your twitter handle (so I can reach you by carrier pigeon).
2) Let's keep it G-rated. Okay, PG. Okay, maybe a soft PG-13. Like...like a "Titanic" PG-13.
3) Tweet this contest on twitter: "Win an advance copy of WILDEFIRE by @KarstenKnight! http://www.karstenknight.com"
4) Don't have twitter? Enter anyway, but make sure your couplet can move mountains and maybe I will take pity on your anti-social nature.
5) U.S. peeps only. Sorry, Monaco.

What you win:
1) A coveted ARC of WILDEFIRE (with typos!)
2) My illegible autograph that your friends will think you signed yourself
3) A copy of my beautiful jacket proof to frame and/or cuddle with on cold nights.

I'll choose my favorites on March 6th, throw them into a randomizer for mathematical impartiality, and voila: instant ARC victory. C'est bon.

Karsten Goes to Prom

2011-02-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

Not even going to bother explaining this one. Just watch.

The First Chapter of WILDEFIRE and a Contest!

2011-01-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

Let's play a game of follow the bouncing ball.

So if you read today's newsletter on Shelf Awareness...

http://www.shelf-awareness.com/issue.html?issue=1373

...You see a hot ad for Wildefire. "In a family of Gods, dysfunction spreads like WILDEFIRE. The white-hot debut from Karsten Knight." Commence explosion of Karsten's ego.

If you follow the link...it takes you to a sweepstakes to win a copy of WILDEFIRE here!

http://www.simonandschuster.com/sweepstakes/enter-the-wildefire-sweepstakes

And, courtesy of the Simon & Schuster, the massive first chapter of WILDEFIRE in the digital catalog!

http://books.simonandschuster.com/Wildefire/Karsten-Knight/9781442421172/excerpt

Thanks to the Simon & Schuster sales team for putting together such a beautiful promotion. Bon apetit, friends.

Karsten in Mourning

2011-01-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

In this vlog: mourning the Patriots loss, throwing things in slow motion, backgammon with pigeons, and Lumierre the French Candlestick.

The Karsten Knight Holiday Spectacular

2010-12-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

...Okay, maybe not so spectacular. Some poetry, some New Year's resolutions, some reasons I should be the next Bachelor on ABC.

Happy Holidays

The Query for WILDEFIRE

2010-12-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

I don't usually post anything other than video on the blog, but I thought this was worth the break from tradition. Chuck Sambuchino, Editor of The Guide to Literary Agents, just posted Wildefire's query (along with my Super-Agent Mary Kole's commentary on it) up on his Successful Queries column on his blog:

http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/Successful+Queries+Agent+Mary+Kole+And+Wildefire.aspx

This is a companion piece to a spotlight he's writing about Wildefire and I for a forthcoming issue of Writer's Digest. Thanks to Mary and Chuck for putting this together.

I hope you enjoy this behind-the-scenes featurette.

Karsten is a Fannypack Full of Rage

2010-11-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

For Versus Week on the YA Rebels, I discuss the battles I regularly fight and ultimately lose. Slow walkers, playground bullies, and sunburns.

Karsten Knight's Time Capsule: Take 2

2010-11-22T09:05:00.000-08:00

I know I already posted about the 10 Items I'd put in a Karsten Knight time capsule, but it was the subject on the YA Rebels this week, so now you get to see it live.

Two people already disliked this video. Do we think it was because
1) They disliked me eating Lucky Charms on camera
2) They think my cologne smells offensive
3) I made a Star Wars joke
4) They are just haters
5) All of the above

Karsten Explains Why Sloths are Like Writers

2010-11-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

This week was 7 Deadly Sins Week on the YA Rebels. I spent only 29 seconds of this 4 and a half minute rant actually on-topic...but isn't doing everything except what you're supposed to be doing what Sloth is all about?

Featuring sloth poop jokes, me attempting to rap, and ferocious/adorable baby tigers.

Karsten is a Sock Gremlin Activist

2010-10-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's random week on the YA Rebels, so in summary: Mr. Roboto, sock bags, sock gremlins, a review of Kim Harrington's CLARITY (Scholastic, March 2011), and enjoying candles a little too much.

Domo arigato.

Vlog #16: Moonshine and Risky Business

2010-10-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

Since these vlogs are all filmed from the waist up, have you ever wondered if I'm wearing pants?

What can I say--writing is a Risky Business. **Cough**

Vlog #15: Karsten Knight is Batman

2010-09-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am Batman. Look in awe upon my pimped out Batcave.

Vlog #14: Tall Trees, Wide Trees, Some as Big as Your Head

2010-09-19T18:34:00.001-07:00

This week on the YA Rebels, we discuss setting. The only light in my room blew right before I was about to film, and I had to film this brief discussion on WILDEFIRE's locales in the dark.

Sorry for the drastic shifts in volume.

Vlog #13: Dramatic Poetry Reading

2010-09-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

Poetry. Hot Dogs. Jurassic Park. Watch on.

It's pretty clear after watching this that I'm still a little loopy from moving a few metric tons of furniture up three flights of stairs at my new apartment.

Vlog #12: How to Pick Up a Zebra

2010-08-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

This week's topic was "opening lines." I got confused. This was the result.

Warning, video contains: zombie unicorns, zebra pickup lines, Christmas tree impersonations, sparkling vampires, and bad metaphors.

Vlog #11: What It Takes to be an Alpha Male

2010-08-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

The Book Faery was kind enough to invite me to guest post for her blog's birthday bash. The topic was alpha males in literature, but I decided to take it a step farther and teach you how to be an alpha male in real life...

...just like me.

You can head on over and check out the actual post here: http://book-faery.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-25-guest-post-karsten-knight.html and follow a wonderful blog while you're at it.

Vlog #10: Karsten Impersonates a Unicorn

2010-08-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Plotting isn't the most thrilling of topics, but I promise if you suffer through the dry intro, the video eventually contains tantrums, dancing, and, yes, dancing.

And sorry for the sound volume disparity--I still haven't mastered this new webcam. Grrrrrrrr. Does anyone remember the SNL skits with Will Ferrell about Voice Immodulation?

Vlog #9: Karsten's Video-Scrapbook

2010-08-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

I decided to show more of my sentimental side this week, and video-scrapbooked the last 7 years of my life, condensed down to the length of one two-minute song. Enjoy

The song I'm singing in the background is Cy Coleman's "Why Try to Change Me Now?"

Vlog #8: Karsten Gets Intimate With a Hardcover Book

2010-07-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

Cover art week at YA Rebels. I'll let the vlog title speak for itself.

Vlog #7: Karsten Flirts with the Apocalypse

2010-07-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

My debut as the new Sunday on YA Rebels. The prompt was "Where are you now?" So clearly I filmed half of it beneath a blanket and managed to tie in The Terminator, color-coding, and throwing rocks at squirrels.

*No squirrels were stoned in the making of this film.
**I do not condone actually throwing rocks at squirrels.
***Chipmunks, however, are a different story.
****Especially singing ones.

Vlog #6: The Dance-Off Challenge... The Sequel?

2010-07-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

Taking the dance battle to the Tweet Streets.

**Warning: Some scenes in the vlog may be unsuitable for children, including 90s Pop Music, the motorboat booty, and a really disturbing imitation of a cat.

My First Commercial?

2010-06-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

I always knew I'd be in commercials when I grew up.

This is not what I imagined.

A special thank you to the lovely conference founders for allowing me to be the centerpiece/mascot of their new promo: Elana Johnson, Casey McCormick, Lisa and Laura Roecker (who knew Batman and the Jokers could work together on a project?), Jennifer Stayrook, and my Andrea Brown Lit agency-in-laws, Shannon Messenger and Jamie Harrington.

Visit http://writeoncon.com/ for more information and to register starting tomorrow, July 1! It's free!

Vlog #5: The Substitute Rebel

2010-06-26T09:22:00.001-07:00

This week, I filled in for Scott Tracey on the wonderful YA Rebels YouTube channel.
The prompt: the best and worst advice I've been given as an author.
The pros: There is dancing.
The cons: There is dancing.

Vlog: Instructional Dance Video...For Men

2010-06-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is the dance video in celebration of hitting 100 followers on this blog. Enjoy, and I hope you learn a move or two from me.

Karsten's Vlog: THE MOVIE TRAILER

2010-06-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

A trailer for my upcoming dance performance. That is all.

Vlog #3: The Dance-Off

2010-06-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

Most authors give away books or ARCs when they hit 100 followers.

I am giving something else away.

My pride.

So now you know. 100 Followers on this blog. Post song suggestions below and we will pick the best one when the time comes. "Single Ladies" is the current front runner.

10 Things To Expect After You Sell Your Book

2010-06-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

1. You will do a lot of dancing
Pretty self-explanatory. Spontaneous dance parties are an important part of the celebration process. Suggested song for this: “You Make My Dreams” by Daryl & Oates or “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters.

2. You will justify all of your bad habits
Internal rationalization: “Pounding a soda every morning and over-indulging in mini-muffins indirectly contributed to the first book deal. Why mess with a good thing?” ::eats three more muffins::

3. You will discover that agents and editors are not scary people
In fact, they are funny people who love your writing. Who knew?

4. You will become a master of social media
Not only do you need to learn how tame all of these beasts—Twitter, Facebook, GoodReads, Blog, Website, Vlog, LiveJournal Groups—but more importantly, you need to learn how to X out of them and log your 2,000 words for the day

5. You will learn to make a website
And for the first couple of tries it will look awkward, like the girl who wore a blazer to the Homecoming Dance. Accept it. Revise it. Eat more muffins.

6. You will find new and creative things to stress about
Congratulations—you’re going to be published. Life is great. So what the eff do I stress about now? My radical suggestion: proactively seek things out to stress about. Get a bad haircut on purpose. Drop a few dishes. Worry about what eating all these muffins is doing to your waistline.

7. You will have an epiphany that you are still a dork
Sure, after high school, you cut your hair, resigned from your drama club presidency, started going to the gym, and put on 50 lbs—all of this camouflage to cover up your nerd-dom evaporates the moment you film your first vlog, or really, the moment you first use the word “Vlog.” Eat another muffin.

8. You now have expectations to live up to
The beauty of writing pre-publication is that nobody has to know that you’re new book isn’t as good as your last. But now, you have flash-forwards to someone reading your sequel and saying, “Eh, it wasn’t as good as the first.” Now you are competing to outdo yourself. The horrors (er, I mean, joys) of writing a sequel are worthy of a separate post.

9. You will discover that there are roving bands of other debut authors out there
Yes, once you emerge from your cocoon of celebration you will discover that there are hundreds of YA author dance parties going on around the country simultaneously. According to Publisher’s Marketplace, 410 YA deals alone went down in the last 12 months. These people band into rival gangs according to their book (in my case, The Elevensies), and then battle to the death in the streets. Oh, wait, am I confusing publishing with The Outsiders?

10. You will do more dancing.
Song suggestion: “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley

Vlog #1: The 3-Minute Confessional

2010-05-26T21:46:00.001-07:00

The Challenge: The 3-Minute Confessional
The Rules: You have 180 seconds to share some quality TMI.

I've discovered the joys of vlogging. This...can't turn out well.

1 Time Capsule. 1 Author. 10 Items. Go.

2010-05-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

The Game: The Knight Time Capsule challenge
The Rules: Pick ten items that best sum up your life to go in a time capsule, so that the people of the future (I’m picturing the cast of Futurama right now) could get to know you.

1. Rubik’s Cube
At one point in my life, I decided it was essential to learn how to solve a Rubik’s cube in two minutes or less. This is probably my second-most useless life skill, but it’s always a hit at parties. (And in case you’re wondering what my #1 most useless life skill is, it’s my encyclopedic knowledge of 90s pop music lyrics.)

2. Hammock
I needed one item to emblemize my lazy side, and while my moccasins and bathrobe all seemed like good choices, only my hammock allows me to bask in Boston’s warm weather. All three months of it.

3. Swiss Ball
I needed a counterpoint for my laziness item, so I chose the Swiss ball to represent my active, athletic side. I was going to go with the chin-up bar in my doorframe, but I figured if they don’t have chin-up bars in the future, they might think that it’s some sort of club and that I was a violent person.

4. Soda Can
I don’t have a lot of vices. But since I don’t drink coffee, I turn to other sources for my 9am dose of caffeine. Also, I get cranky if I go too long without carbonation. I can’t explain it. Kind of like Scooby Doo and his Scooby snacks.

5. Guitar
I like music. I play the guitar. I’m not very good at it. This is as well as I can write this section. This lovely candid was taken by my cousin while I was playing “Country Roads” at our 250-year old family farm in Maine.
6. Super Nintendo
Remember when video games just moved from left to right? While some people get nostalgic for Woodstock of ’69, I get nostalgic for Donkey Kong Country of ’94. All I have to say to you new kids and your new-fangled video games: if I don’t have to blow on the cartridge every 5 minutes to make it work, I don’t want to play it.
7. Mask Boss
When you don’t have a boss to oversee your work and make sure you stick to the deadline you set for yourself, you need a fierce inanimate object with giraffes on it to stare at you all day long. Rest assured, when you take a 45 minute Donkey Kong break (see #6), the mask is judging.
8. Christmas Lights
I think the tradition started at some point in college—I decided that something was missing from my dorm room, and that “something” was 7 strands of Christmas lights from the dollar store (how can you say no to 100 lights for 1 dollar?) At age 25, I continue to string them up around my room for ambience. Current color? Blue. It’s like writing in an aquarium.
9. Family photo
Self-explanatory, sentimental choice. This is my favorite family photo because everyone in this portrait looks good except for me. I look like an enormous bear in an argyle sweater.

10. Pumpkin Seeds
When I graduated from high school, my commencement speech was basically your typical “pursue your dreams” monologue… typical until I said that I one day wanted to be a pumpkin farmer. However, when the local newspaper quoted me, they wrote that I “joked” about wanting to pursue a career in pumpkin farming. Let me set the record straight, once and for all, for Maynard High School, Class of 2007, and people of the future who open this time capsule.

I. Was. Not. Joking.

Unfortunately, every pumpkin patch I ever attempted to grow never yielded any pumpkins, so I decided to be a writer instead. Also, this is a picture of brown rice, because I didn’t have any pumpkin seeds on hand.

Now I challenge you to pick your 10 items. Ready...Set...Psyche!

Okay, Go.

Big Changes in my Life in 5 Easy Updates

2010-05-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been the craziest and best week of my life, so I thought it best to break my life as it stands right now down into a few concise and occasionally illustrated updates.

Update #1: I woke up Monday morning at 9am. I showered at 9:15am. And at 9:30am I was on the phone with my wonderful soon-to-be-editor Courtney, discussing how Simon & Schuster would make a great home for WILDEFIRE. And if you haven't already noticed from the self-indulgent banner I made for the top of this page, we agreed that it was.

I'm not an actor, so I'm having trouble recreating my surprised face. Therefore, I will use the mask that hangs on my wall, which always look surprised, as a stand-in. Also, it has giraffes on its forehead and I do not. Mask: 2, Karsten: 0

Update #2: What could make May even better? Finding an agent who's enthusiastic about my writing, too! I've been fortunate enough to sign on with the lovely Mary Kole from the Andrea Brown Literary Agency, and she's been nothing short of delightful and informative so far. Huzzah!

Update #3: My computer screen is cluttered with open word documents and Excel spreadsheets. What does this mean? I'm writing again, of course--and on the sequel to WILDEFIRE no less. Which leads us to...

Update #4: You know you've chosen the right career when part of work involves spending an entire afternoon with your nose lodged inside a tropical travel guide. No, I can't tell you where (yet) but let's just say I've picked a location for the second book that is near and dear to my heart, and there are going to be some AWESOME and diverse locales to be found in Book 2.

Update #5: Reading. I just finished two wonderful books that I wish I'd completed in time to include in my books that make me want to be a better writer blog.

The Vast Fields of Ordinary by Nick Burd

and Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin

Up next on my reading list: WHITE CAT by Holly Black and BEAUTIFUL CREATURES by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl.

Back to the travel books and excel spreadsheets for me. Say goodbye, giraffe mask.

"Shut up and start writing Karsten." ~Mask

7 Novels that Made Me Want to be a Better Writer

2010-04-08T07:11:00.001-07:00

Master of the Edge-of-your-Seat
THIRTEEN REASONS WHY by Jay Asher
You have to admire a concept this brilliant: a boy who finds a shoebox at his door which contains the suicide tapes his crush recorded before she took her own life…Just wow. At first I was afraid that the execution wouldn’t live up to the hype and concept, but I literally could not put this book down. I almost cancelled dinner plans in order to finish it—the story leading up to Hannah Baker’s suicide is just that compelling.

Masters of Many Worlds
MYST: THE BOOK OF ATRUS by Rand & Robyn Miller with David Wingrove
It’s hard to get people to take you seriously as a reader when you tell them that your favorite book of all time is based on a computer game. No, you didn’t misread that. Favorite book of all time. When books about “parallel worlds” are discussed, it’s impossible not to draw comparisons to Madeline L’Engle’s A WRINKLE IN TIME and Phillip Pullman’s THE GOLDEN COMPASS (both of which are wonderful), but I’ve yet to find a story—fantasy or otherwise—that so fully captivated my attention as Atrus’s journey from his desert dwelling down into the subterranean world and desolate streets of the fallen D’ni civilization. Superb.

Master of Perception
MARCELO IN THE REAL WORLD by Francisco X. Stork
Oh, Marcelo. Karsten loves Marcelo even though Marcelo speaks in the third person sometimes. Stork crafts a beautifully written novel about a boy who has trouble relating to the world around him, while writing him in such a way that he is instantly relatable to the reader.

Master of Timelessness
REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES by Richard Peck
Verklempt. That’s the only word that could accurately describe my state of mind after I closed REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES. Some books you don’t just remember reading; you remember exactly where you were when you finished it. This is one of those books. To put it in perspective: it’s a 10-minute walk from the writing center where I tutor (and where I read the last page of this) to the subway, and I was glassy-eyed for the entire walk. I had to actively remind myself that it was a flagrant violation of man code for me to tear up about a book. I failed.

Master of Emotion
MY HEARTBEAT by Garrett Freymann-Weyr
I’ve read a fair number of books that have run the gamut of LGBQT topics, but I don’t think teen sexuality and confusion have ever been so realistically portrayed. Freymann-Weyr manages to expertly juggle the labyrinthine feelings of three different characters. Don’t be fooled—this book may be the color of pastel green Easter egg, but it has one of the most gripping final pages I’ve ever read.

Master of Setting
A DRINK BEFORE THE WAR by Dennis Lehane
I guess New England should be so grateful to have such a large concentration of writers living in such close proximity. But what this also means? So, so, so many books set in or around Boston. Unfortunately, many of these books really waste this rich and vibrant city. Sure, they’ll do a little bit of name dropping to help their case—he drove over the Zakim Bridge; she took a stroll through the Boston Common. One man, however, writes Boston with such gritty realism that I can practically smell the food coming out of South Street Diner. I haven’t had a chance to read the other books in this series yet, but since Gone Baby Gone is one of my favorite movies, I plan to this summer. I tip my hat to you Dennis Lehane.

Master of Fantasy
SABRIEL by Garth Nix
As far as I’m concerned, Garth Nix is the master of young-adult high fantasy. Rather than re-treading on old conventions, Nix’s Abhorsen trilogy (Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen) invents its own. Beautiful writing, three-dimensional characters, and an original world that has something new to contribute to the genre. I’ve never been so enthralled with necromancy, and you can practically feel the bandolier of bells strapped to your chest as you read…

8 Months in Hell, or: How I Revise

2010-04-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

Every time I’ve sat down with the intention to write a blog over this past month, I’ve immediately reprimanded myself for not revising instead. I type out a first sentence to a potential post, but then I hear the devil on my shoulder nagging me, “But you know Chapter 4 could use some trimming today...” I quickly look to my left shoulder for help, but the angel just points to the little bastard on the right and says, “Don’t look at me, listen to that guy.”

So I decided that it was only fair to share an overview of the grueling, turbulent, but always rewarding revision process to which I’ve subjected WILDEFIRE over the past few months.

PHASE 1: Assassinating Similes Does Not = Assimilation
My first drafts love to binge on strange similes… like a sugar-high toddler at a cake convention. But you can only have so many “As if…” clauses in your book before you’ve written a sequel to Clueless, and so I sadly pare them down to just the ones I simply cannot live without.

Okay, and maybe a few more.

PHASE 2: Seek and Destroy
When you’re writing a novel of 90,000 words, it’s inevitable: you are going to repeat yourself. Accept it. Sometimes it’s a single word (I’ve discovered after the umpteenth revision that I really like the words dart, roar, and plunge. Oy. Thank god for the thesaurus.) And because we all like to think that we’re masters of suspense, I tend to notice a lot of “sequencing” words when the action gets heavy. I’ve trained myself well to only sparingly use the word “suddenly,” but the initial draft of WILDEFIRE overdosed on “finally.” I managed to cut these by 70% (yes, I calculated this) which means that 7 times out of 10, the word is completely unnecessary.

Thank heavens for Microsoft Word’s “Find” function.

PHASE 3: The Broken Record
But sometimes it’s not as simple as reaching for the thesaurus or hitting Control+F—sometimes we over-rely on sentence structures. Granted there are only so many ways you can contort a sentence and have it sound natural. Sure, the sentence might on first read sound great… until you realize that sentence structure X has appeared three times in as many pages. THIS IS WHY SECOND READERS ARE IMPORTANT. I’m too myopic to see a lot of these in my own writing, but I’m fortunate to have a writer friend whose specialty is ferreting these out of my manuscript.

PHASE 4: Sweet Emotion
This has been the trickiest of all of them. When I first started writing WILDEFIRE, I didn’t want this to be a fantasy story first, and a human story second—you know the type, where the world becomes, as a character, more important than the other players in the book. In essence, I wanted WILDEFIRE to read like a contemporary realistic YA novel that just happened to include fantastical elements.

However, I categorically refused to write this in first-person, and absolutely not in present tense. That isn’t meant as a slight on those who write from that POV; many have mastered this perspective, and the success of the first-person voice in the young-adult arena is irrefutable. But I am something of a purist and believe that it’s valuable for a writer to conquer the third-person voice before he goes indulging his character’s every thought and whim for 90,000 words. Let’s face it—I’m 25-years-old. Not only have I yet to “conquer” any of the mountains of writing, but I don’t even consider myself at base camp yet.

My greatest challenge in the final round of revisions was to strike a balance between distance and intimacy, to utilize my limited third-person POV while still gleaning enough of Ashline’s thoughts to develop a friendship between her and reader. Because if you get to the last page of this book and you don’t feel compassion for Ashline (hey, that kind of rhymed), then I haven’t done my job as a writer.

AND it will be awfully difficult to write the sequel.

Character Prototyping in YA Literature

2010-02-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

I love reading YA. I get both an immediate--and lasting--pleasure from digging into a good young-adult novel that I rarely get from "grownup books." That's why I write YA. Because I'm one of the "Lost Boys" of bibliophilia.

However, one of the problems of:

a) being in a Master's Program in Children's Literature, which requires me to basically read a book a day, and
b) approaching the aforementioned novel with the critical eye of a writer,

is that you begin to see patterns, some troubling, in the way YA novelists cast characters in their novels. I've decided to list some of the character prototypes that I would like to see banned from all YA books in the near future.

1. THE UBER-COOL CHICK WHO HAS A THING FOR NERDS
I know what you're thinking. "But Kyle, you used to be/currently are/will always be a nerd. You write children's books for Pete's sake. Surely you can't begrudge a dorky protagonist for getting it on."

False.

While I respect and encourage nerd love, my problem lies not with the nerd but with the girls who ultimately fall in (and usually out of) love with them. This prototype, which basically worms its way into a large portion of teenage male protagonist books, tends to be unbearably tolerant toward the protagonist when he goofs and is placed on a pedestal by not just the hero, but by the author as well.

2. THE COLD MOTHER
The Cold Mother (or TCM) pops up in a lot of female protagonist problem novels; I can only guess that, in order to develop more tension in the household, the author writes the mother as being initially sterile and insensitive when it comes to handling her daughter's [insert problem, insecurity, or unplanned pregnancy here]. But you can bet by story's end that, while TCM won't completely melt, she will defrost just enough to begin to connect with her daughter. Which leads us to...

3. THE BUMBLING FATHER
Oh, poor, oblivious, bumbling father. You will make valiant attempts to connect with your daughter, but you will fail miserably, and probably take solace in some sort of hobby or home remodeling project instead, which you will invite your daughter to partake in, and she will spurn you. Don't you know what she's going through?

4. THE ASSHOLE FATHER AND TIRED MOTHER
Problem novel girls have Cold Mothers and Bumbling Fathers; Problem novel boys have fathers who drink too much/are overly invested in their business/are heavy-handed in the raising of their children. Their mothers will be much more sympathetic to the plight of their boychild, but will continually act exhausted with their marriage.

I'd love to see these parent stereotypes dissected from a gender studies perspective. Or by Freud.

5. ANGELS & DEVILS: THE INSENSITIVE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
AND THE SENSITIVE SCHOOLTEACHER
You can bet that, for every school principal or assistant principal who doesn't understand what your child is going through, there is that one cool, probably late twenty-something teacher, who will take an active interest in your child.

I'm not particularly bothered by this one--I understand the need to show adults with a spectrum of sensitivity and understanding. But my high school principal was a great man who was diplomatic and kindhearted in his dealings with both agents of chaos and victims, so treating high school administrators as draconian forces of evil seems a bit outdated to me.

6. SIDEKICKS THAT TRY TO HARD
We all love supporting characters and if they're funny, even better. I applaud witty banter in YA novels, and use it heavily myself; with all of the social networking opportunities out there, kids today are wittier than ever. But some YA novels are taking the sidekick thing a little too far and relying on absurdist dialogue which is so scripted that it crashes and burns in the Land of Disbelief. I'm okay suspending my disbelief and indulging in some dialogue that goes too far; but at a certain point, I start to become too aware of the giggling puppeteer lurking behind the typewriter, and the dialogue face-plants.

When I write comic dialogue, I use the rules I learned when I was doing standup comedy. Effortless is good; but a joke that tries too hard will always fall flat.

7. JOCKS THAT TURN OUT TO BE NICE PEOPLE
This one isn't to say that athletes aren't nice people. On the contrary--I think that athletes--high school, college, and the like--tend to be really friendly. That's why I'm frustrated when, every single time I read a novel from the perspective of the introverted boy, he's always surprised when, by the end of the story, the athletes are partying with him or by his side as he saves the day.

Well, someone outside just screamed "It's Snowing!" so I think that's my cue to shut up, make breakfast, and return to Revision Land. Here's to breaking the character molds in 2010.

Karsten

FIVE SCENES THAT KICKED MY ASS

2010-01-20T19:48:00.000-08:00

As I wrote the initial draft for WILDEFIRE, there were a lot of scenes that came naturally as I wrote them. The words just vomited out of me onto the page, for (hopefully) better or (hopefully not) worse. Others, I severely struggled with. With any luck, I won the battles with these tricky scenes in the end, but only you will eventually be able to judge that. In the mean time, I thought I’d share:

THE FIVE TYPES OF SCENES THAT KICKED MY ASS

1. Tennis.

In the book, my protagonist has climbed the ranks of West Coast prep school athletics to become one of the most formidable tennis players, and the novel includes four different scenes on the clay courts. While these scenes looked fantastic on paper and eventually translated well to prose, I quickly learned that there’s only so many ways a racket can slam/swat/connect with a tennis ball before you stray dangerously into right-click-thesaurus territory. Fortunately, the final tennis scene has a twist that ups the stakes (but I won’t share in this blog, for fear of ruining my element of surprise).

2. Group Dialogue

There’s a recent it’s called “dialogue” and not “trialogue” or, in the case of three key scenes, “hexalogue.” Conversations between two people have a natural flow to them; you can omit speaker identification every few lines, because the reader can easily deduce that Character B is speaking if Character A just had a line of dialogue. Hexalogue has a whole new backpack of problems—ensuring that every character has enough to say so they don’t feel like they’re drifting on the fringe for no reason; making sure that all six characters channel distinct personalities even in their pattern of speech; and blocking in ways that isn’t repetitive. My biggest problem was finding the proper balance of participation from the protagonist without losing her supporting characters. I have a sneaking feeling as revision progresses, these scenes will require the most revision and rewriting.

3. Action

I’ve written action scenes in my time, but I vowed when I started this project six months ago not to lose myself in “commercial” writing. I conceived this novel as a visual entity first, which, to be blunt, means that I imagined first as a movie before committing it to paper. However, the issue with that is making sure that your novel doesn’t read like a screenplay, and has all the (albeit economic use of) flourishes and embellishments that accompanies good writing. This is why I’m a novelist and not a screenwriter.

4. Song

Okay, this was a challenge, but it was a fun one. Music plays as large a role in my life as writing does, so it’s not surprising that music serves as one of my literary muses. During the writing of WILDEFIRE, I used a lot of opera, a little bit of alternative rock, and also some 30s and 40s soul and big band. I was having trouble staging a scene in Chapter 6 and was listening to a traditional Christmas carol as sung by the incredible New Zealand-born Hayley Westenra. And then I had a wild idea—what if I included the song in the scene I was writing. The result? I have NEVER enjoyed writing a scene as much as I have this one, and I hope readers will enjoy the result as well… I think it’s the most moving scene in the novel.

5. Character-Driven

WILDEFIRE is a work of contemporary mythology, but I believe under the disguise of young-adult fantasy beats the heart of a contemporary realistic YA story. I fear that the fantasy genre—high fantasy, post-apocalyptic, modern—has often made character an afterthought, and has instead placed the emphasis on fleshing out the world, leaving the human element second string. In order to make sure that I avoided this literary pitfall, I made the drastic decision to read only contemporary realistic YA fiction, including authors Jo Knowles, Laurie Halse Anderson, John Green, and Ellen Wittlinger, to name a few.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever write a contemporary YA novel in full realism; my fascination with mythology makes it difficult to imagine switching genres at this stage of my life. But my hope is that WILDEFIRE ultimately can straddle both genres successfully enough to attract readers from either walk of life.

THE BLOGGER RETURNETH

2010-01-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

It's 2pm on Martin Luther King Day. I'm wearing a tartan bathrobe. I haven't shaved in 5 days. And I feel and look like I'm about to pass out and fall face-first onto my keyboard.

Does that mean I'm a half-crazed insomniac? No. Well... maybe. But that's not the point.

I look like Hell because I've just completed the first draft of my new book!

I figured, what better way to celebrate than to post on my blog, which I have neglected for the last three months. As charming as I'm sure you all found my last post/poem about an adventurous lunchroom hot dog, I think it's time to bump that blast from my past down a post and spend a few minutes with my long-lost, but never forgotten, friend Blogger.

I attempted to start blog posts several times over the last month, but every time suffered writer's guilt--that is, I felt like my time would be better served on this beast of a writing project that has consumed my life and waking thoughts for the last six months. This is my solemn pledge to try harder to make my marriage with blogger work. And I will seek couples counseling if need be.

It's good to be back.

The Hotdog in the Drain

2009-10-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

I've never been wild about poetry, unless you count my senior year of college, when my suitemates and I developed a flyting contest to see who could write the most offensive limerick about another member of the suite. Each morning we'd wake up and discover that somebody, before their 9am history or literature class, had written a particularly unsavory poem on one of our numerous dry-erase boards. By the evening that day, you could expect a poem in retaliation. No one was safe. If the poet felt so inspired, he often included illustrations to accompany the limericks.

I often wondered what our housekeeper thought of these.

However, as I spelunked through my cavernous "My Documents" folder (I've been using the same computer for over 6 years), I discovered a poem I wrote my freshman year of college. It was inspired by my time working as a dishwasher in Kimball Dining Hall, and it was the first article I ever published in the Holy Cross Crusader newspaper. More importantly, it stands as definitive proof that I have always been this weird. Enjoy.

The Hotdog in the Drain

The idea of a weekend cafeteria shift
Scared me half to death
9 hours washing dishes left me
Spiritless and out of breath
And though I smelled of dishwater
And my back was wrought with pain
I could look back and smile thinking of
The Hotdog in the Drain.

We dishwashers throw used food into
A swift river in a gutter.
Indiscriminately, it eats tofu, pasta,
Fish, and rolls with butter.
Then I saw one piece of food resist,
He would be the water’s bane--
With all its power this hotdog would not budge,
The Hotdog in the Drain.

The hotdog fought the current
Like a salmon’s mating feat
Which is quite the daring achievement
For a sack of processed meat
No meatball nor grape could ever escape
The rushing water main
But one lone hero in a bun held true:
The Hotdog in the Drain.

He fought the current for five minutes
'fore the river grew enraged
It was then the dishwashing tides doubled
And the hotdog disengaged.
He rolled and rolled, into the disposal—
I’d never see him again
He was the boldest food I’d ever known,
The Hotdog in the Drain.

Still sorting through dishes, I wept for he
Who the river carried away
But his memory lingers in my mind
And still to this day
I knew he helped me escape the boredom
Of a job mundane.
I’ll always smile and remember fondly
The Hotdog in the Drain…

In my free moments, I imagine my novels as movie trailers. Nerd alert.

2009-10-14T11:44:00.001-07:00

Like any self-respecting egotistical artist, I’m sometimes privy to delusions of grandeur during my quiet moments. Since I’m a novelist, you might think these fantasies would be literary in nature: signing a three-book deal with Scholastic, my Newbury acceptance speech, autographing books for a long queue of fans who look like they’re about to wet themselves with excitement.

Not so. (Okay, well maybe occasionally). Rather, I have devoted my moments of boredom on the Green Line to imagining the day, years from now, when Peter Jackson or Zack Snyder direct a film adaptation of one of my novels. More specifically, I spend my downtime on the subway scouring my iPod for the songs I’d most like to hear in the background to the movie trailers for these imaginary films. Below I’ve listed the songs that I’ve settled on. Enjoy.

REVENGA by System of a Down
Question: How can you argue with the haunting vocals into the crushing bass line of the bridge? Answer: You can’t.

2:03 – 2:59
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVaPFtVx8PA

FLY FROM THE INSIDE by Shinedown
Another badass bridge. Doesn’t it make you want to start a fight? I mean…

2:30 – 2:50
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P23792a_BE

DON’T WAIT by Dashboard Confessional
Had to follow up the alternative rock with a more emo choice. In addition to being one of my favorite songs of all time, the bridge would be perfect for a more emotionally driven trailer.

2:45 – 3:36
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wcuPL_0Fgk

ALREADY GONE by Kelly Clarkson
Every once in a while, Top 40 radio features a song that doesn’t make me want to self-defenestrate. This is one of them.

0:14 – 1:16
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVZaA2s7xYI&feature=channel

WELCOME HOME by Coheed & Cambria
This has been my “get pumped, get pissed” warm-up song for weightlifting for quite some time now; the trailer for the recently released 9 proves that this song is epic for movie trailers.

Any part of this song. Any part at all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycMNBgoWPZg

Further imaginary self-aggrandizing movie trailer soundtrack choices welcomed.