Tuesday, August 28, 2012
THE 5 REASONS WHY YOU'RE A DEPLORABLE HUMAN BEING IF YOU DON'T READ THESE BOOKS.
1) My cat can't afford a good substance abuse rehab program.
It started with him sniffing envelopes and eating old photographs as a kitten. Then he turned to catnip, which we all know is a gateway drug. We didn't truly acknowledge that he had a problem until we found him passed out and cuddling with a bottle of sangria at 9am. For every copy of WILDEFIRE and EMBERS & ECHOES we sell, he gets one paw-step closer to getting the help he needs.
2) I hid a penis joke in the acknowledgements.
No, I'm not kidding. Yes, it's there. But you have to know Norse mythology to get the joke.
3) If you don't read this book, you hate babies.
I dedicated this book to my adorable baby niece Victoria. If you refuse to read this book, Victoria is going to transform into the Hulk baby, throw her singing stuff octopus across the room, and up-turn her jumperoo. Do you want to be responsible for that kind of mayhem?
4) I have survived numerous attacks by bloodthirsty animals.
Some people think I can't possibly be bad-ass because I write young-adult fiction, but to them I say, "Oh really? Then how is it that I've survived attacks by
Inanimate Green Tigers
And a Lasercat invasion?"
If you don't read these books, then the Lasercats have won.
5) I was recently traumatized by a roving gang of teenage girls.
It was late at night. I was walking alone in downtown Boston. And I encountered a group of feisty teenage girls who were playing a game where they would dare each other to run up to a random guy and whisper, "I want to carry your fetus!" into his ear. Then they would all run away giggling.
Traumatizing. Is this seriously the demographic I write for?
So there you have it. If you don't read these books, then you're just encouraging my cat's addiction to spiral out of control, and babies will transform into raging Cloverfield monsters, and tweens will roam the streets giggling about fetuses, and the Lasercats will win, and worst of all, obscure Norse mythological penis references will go unread. Is that the kind of world you want to live in? Then click the pictures below or the retailer links to the left.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I'll do a more formal post and video next week, but for now here's the summary of EMBERS & ECHOES (Wildefire #2):
Every flame casts a shadow.
Ashline Wilde is about to discover that when you’re the reincarnation of a Polynesian volcano goddess, “new beginnings” are just a myth.
Leaving the fiery ruins of her sophomore year behind her, Ash travels to the sizzling beaches of Miami, hot on the trail of the little sister she’s only seen in visions. But her happy family reunion isn’t all palm trees and paradise. A cult of evil gods-on-earth, known as the Four Seasons, has kidnapped her sister to use in its terrifying new religion. Soon, the streets of Miami erupt in chaos and violence…and Ash gets caught right in the tropical crossfire
Ash isn’t without help, however. Unexpected romance arrives in the form of Wes, an Aztec god of night with his own vendetta against the Four Seasons. As memories of Ash’s previous life begin to flicker into her dreams, the boundaries between ally and enemy, life and death, and love and hate all bleed together. And when a mysterious trickster from her past reappears to derail her new quest, Ash must choose between the echoes of a once-forgotten yesterday and the embers of an uncertain future.
Because when old flames return from the dead, even a volcano goddess can get burned.
And for any new readers, you can find links to WILDEFIRE to the left!