Tuesday, August 28, 2012

EMBERS & ECHOES hits Bookstores; My Cat Hits the Bottle

So my new novel EMBERS & ECHOES, the sequel to WILDEFIRE, hits bookstores today. To celebrate, rather than blabber on about what the books are about for the 21,000th time ("Blah blah reincarnated Polynesian volcano goddess blah blahbaty blah"), I've decided to use a new method of self-promotion, and guilt trip the living shit out of you. That's right. For the purposes of this blog, I'd like to in all seriousness explain to you--

THE 5 REASONS WHY YOU'RE A DEPLORABLE HUMAN BEING IF YOU DON'T READ THESE BOOKS.

1) My cat can't afford a good substance abuse rehab program.
It started with him sniffing envelopes and eating old photographs as a kitten. Then he turned to catnip, which we all know is a gateway drug. We didn't truly acknowledge that he had a problem until we found him passed out and cuddling with a bottle of sangria at 9am. For every copy of WILDEFIRE and EMBERS & ECHOES we sell, he gets one paw-step closer to getting the help he needs.

2) I hid a penis joke in the acknowledgements.
No, I'm not kidding. Yes, it's there. But you have to know Norse mythology to get the joke.

3) If you don't read this book, you hate babies.
I dedicated this book to my adorable baby niece Victoria. If you refuse to read this book, Victoria is going to transform into the Hulk baby, throw her singing stuff octopus across the room, and up-turn her jumperoo. Do you want to be responsible for that kind of mayhem?

4) I have survived numerous attacks by bloodthirsty animals.
Some people think I can't possibly be bad-ass because I write young-adult fiction, but to them I say, "Oh really? Then how is it that I've survived attacks by

Bears

Inanimate Green Tigers

And a Lasercat invasion?
"


















If you don't read these books, then the Lasercats have won.

And finally

5) I was recently traumatized by a roving gang of teenage girls.
It was late at night. I was walking alone in downtown Boston. And I encountered a group of feisty teenage girls who were playing a game where they would dare each other to run up to a random guy and whisper, "I want to carry your fetus!" into his ear. Then they would all run away giggling.

Traumatizing. Is this seriously the demographic I write for?


So there you have it. If you don't read these books, then you're just encouraging my cat's addiction to spiral out of control, and babies will transform into raging Cloverfield monsters, and tweens will roam the streets giggling about fetuses, and the Lasercats will win, and worst of all, obscure Norse mythological penis references will go unread. Is that the kind of world you want to live in? Then click the pictures below or the retailer links to the left.


10 comments:

  1. Happy release day! Can't wait to read it and help kitty get on the road to recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You've got me hooked, now I've got to read it to check out the acknowlegements. Well that and I LOVED the first book! Congratulations on your new release!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is it a reflection of my own maturity that I found the fetus thing kind of funny? Of course, in your shoes, it may have been a traumatizing.

    Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  4. How on earth did you survive that Pooh Bear attack? Think of all the innocently spilled honey....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Happy release day! I'm so excited for Embers and Echoes!
    And, I must admit, that was the slickest self-plug I have ever witnessed. I will go buy the book, if only for your poor kitty. =D

    ~Riv Re
    Riv Reads

    ReplyDelete
  6. Okay, now when I get to work tomorrow night I have to read the acknowledgements first thing! Still wishing I had an ARC of this one to match my ARC of Wildefire. Remember that time I made you an honorary member of the New Kids on the Block on Twitter? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Congrats! And thanks for the laughs. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. You had me at the picture of your poor drunken cat!

    Must check that acknowledgement page on my Kindle because my delivery man was not kind enough to bring me my print edition. :( Though I suppose I'll have to study up on Norse mythology a bit too.

    Well, happy book birthday! May you be saved from Cloverfield-esque babies, laser cats and roving bands on creepy teenage girls.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bua ha ha ha ha. FUNNIEST book release day post EVER.

    CONGRATS to you!! Can't wait to read it ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello. This is Courtney. We met at the Teen Author Carnival and I just about had an aneurism when you pulled out an ARC of E&E. I might have briefly considered murder to get my hands on it. But now it's out, and there is no longer a threat to your well-being. SQUEE.

    ReplyDelete